The hole that will never be filled

You would've been 2 years old.. a little me running around bringing sunshine to this other wise dark world..

even though I never met you I miss you.. I miss feeling you grow inside of me, your little kicks, how you would dance around in my tummy whenever I'd just be sitting. how you'd kick when I was eating something delicious, you loved meat, anything with with mayo and you'd jump around.. I miss how sick you made me the first month, how much energy you gave me.. The huge nose made me feel you, cuddling the growing bump made me feel at peace, you brought me so much peace..
I'll never forget how much you made me adore my niece, how my whole day would change when I saw her, I know it was you and I know you would've adored her if you ever met her..
There's a hole in my heart, a hole where you were that will never be filled..
the day you were taken from me was the worst day, I almost bled to death, suffered for months because the pain of losing you was unbearable.. When the nurse took your lifeless body away, when she said it was a boy my entire body died.. I will never forget.. I'll never get over you.. I know you are an angel in heaven and I know that's where you belong but I wish you were here.. I wish I could've been strong enough to give you life, I failed you, as your mother I failed to give you life, I am sorry, I am sorry I didn't do everything in my power to give you life, I'm sorry I didn't insist on the treatment to keep you alive, I failed you and I am sorry..
I miss you my baby, and I pray God keeps you for me.. I pray for your soul, I pray..
I love you and I will forever love you